God Friend

This was originally going to be a religious-based blog, detailing my current crisis of faith. Briefly put, I have begun to question one of the core beliefs that I've had for my entire life. (More specifically, I've begun to wonder about the nature of the existence of Jesus.) But the crisis has been, not averted... I would say 'diffused.' And the source of that diffusal (if I may make up that word) is the new topic of this post: friendship.
After my last post regarding defining terms, I feel I should specify exactly what I mean by friendship. I don't necessarily mean your drinking buddies, or your coworkers, or even the people you hang out with. I'm talking about true friendship. One of my favorite quotes is from a friend of mine, who defines true friendship rather eloquently, I think: "Friendship is when you can come to me in fifteen years, having not seen me for ten years, and need a place to stay, and know that you have a place to stay."
I think friendship is the greatest gift God has ever given us. Moreso than marriage, or sex, or anything. Friendship is the divine manifest in our lives. True friends are everything to each other; they are more than just buddies or pals; they stand by each other through the worst in each other's lives. They are there to help us with our problems, to confront our fears, to ease our worries. They make us laugh at things that no one should find funny. They drop everything to be there for us when we need them. They would leap into a fight to defend us with no way to win, knowing that if they are to die, "there is no better way to go then at the side of a friend."
Tonight in particular, I speak of my friend Jackson. He has been there for me more times than I can count, and, I'd like to think, I for him. There is no understanding, no explaining, the bond we share. It is not so much a commonality of likes and dislikes, but something deeper. Perhaps that we're both original, both real. Both authentic, to use a Heideggarian term. We live our lives in such a way as we deem fit, and not how we are supposed to. We are two people searching, not for a place in the world, but for our place in the world. And we won't settle.
I say friendship is the greatest gift because I have friends, old friends, with whom I have never fought. With whom I have never grown weary, or irriatated, or disgruntled. Marriage is often seen, I think, as the greatest of bonds, but what marriage occurs without any discontent? It seems to me that any marriage has some degree of disputes, or wonderings of "what if," or just some form of not meshing. Marriages are often held together only by a contract, or by commonly-held children. True friendship needs no such ties. Your friend is there for you, with you, for anything, for any reason. Another quote that seems appropriate is "A good friend will bail you out of prison. A true friend will be sitting in prison next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun!'"
As I mentioned briefly above, I've been questioning the nature of Jesus. Was he God? Was he divine, and yet not God? Was he just a holy man, or a wise man? Someone who maybe was just in tune with the world around him? I've come to the decision, on my ride home tonight, that regardless of which of those he was, he was something more than all of them. He was our friend, and that was the best thing that he could have been. Even through the worst, he stayed our friend. Even through the betrayal, the denial, the flogging, the mocking, and the execution; He bore us no ill-will. There was no anger there. A great sadness, I imagine; the worst heart-break possible. But his love for us never stopped. And that takes a friend of the highest order. Because sometimes friendship means you get drained. Sometimes your friend is having a hard enough time over a long enough period that they keep drawing strength from you, repeatedly, excessively, until you're tapped. And even then, when you have nothing left to give, you reach down and you find it, because you simply don't let your friends down. That is what Jesus did for all of us, and it is what he continues to do for me today, through Jackson. Jackson represents to me the best of Christ in all of us. He is not perfect, by any standards, nor does he posess any kind of miraculous healing capabilities. (None that I've yet seen, in any event.) But he has the ability to give without asking in return. To listen to what I have to say, and not only offer his own opinion, be it complemantary or contrary to mine, but do so without judging. In this regard, he is everything that I hope that I have been for him and for others, or at least that I one day may be. It is a little unfair to orient this post strictly to Jackson, for I have other people whom I consider true friends as well. But Jackson, moreso than the others, is to whom I have always turned, and who has always responded.
I must confess that there are friends I am losing touch with. Either our tastes have changed, or our locations, or life itself has simply gotten in the way. I am guilty of perhaps not trying as hard as I should to maintain these friendships. I think part of it is that there is a great deal on my plate right now, between two jobs and volunteering and trying to get back into school, on top of the distances and conflicting schedules that bar reunions. But truly, that is no excuse. I think any reclusiveness on my behalf comes in part from the definition I used above: Months could go by that I have not spoken with certain friends, and I or they could call and we'd pick up where we had left off, with no difference but the great deal of catching-up that would have to go on. I could go for years without talking to them, and still drop everything to be there in their darkest hour when they but asked.
Friends are the rarest, most sacred gift we as humans have, and we take them for granted entirely too often. I know I do, but I console myself with the fact that I am never so grateful for anything as when I have again come to realize the value of my friends. For those of you who have not experienced the type of friendship of which I speak, my pity for you is matched only by my desire for you to get out and socialize and start making friends. Be aware that many, most even, of the friends you make will not be of the caliber of which I speak. It will take some searching and many fair-weather-friends before you can find even one true friend. I consider myself blessed-and-a-half that I have so many people that I can turn to in my times of need. And to those people, I have only this to say; something I fear I do not say often enough:

I love you.