Insomnia

So, it's 2:30 in the Ante Merdiem, and I'm still awake. I just got done laying in bed for 40 minutes or so and am still wide awake. I've been having a hard time sleeping the past few nights, which is a very foreign experience for me. Normally, I just roll up to bed, pick up my daydream adventures where I left off the night before, and I'm asleep within minutes. Not so, recently, and I'm not sure how to cope. So I'm trying the ol' "eat a bowl of cinnamon toast crunch and write on your blog" solution. I can't imagine what it's like for people who deal with this on a regular basis. I've always considered myself much like Garfield: able to sleep anytime, anywhere, in (virtually) any position. So this experience has me... put off, to say the least. And no, before any of you ask, it shouldn't be a caffeine imposed problem. I suppose that's possible, but the last soda I had tonight was only pepsi (we don't have dew at work) and that was around 9-9:30. Five hours should be enough for that to burn out of my system, right? Then again, maybe not. The only real change in my habits the past week or so has been that I'd been drinking soda again, so maybe that is what's keeping me up late. Odd that I don't recall it doing so before, though. Hell, I used to put down probably 4 or 5 liters a day in my pizzaria days, and I still slept like a baby. lol... maybe I'm just getting old.

It's funny how getting old bothers some (probably most) people. People try all these different ways to look younger; surgery, hair treatments, um... other, uh, ways (look, there has to be more than two; I just can't think of any. I know I'm awake, but it is late, alright?). But why? Why do we do this? Why are we so afraid of looking more aged? Is it a subconsious association of age with death, and in attempting to defy our age, we're consequently defying our death? Or is a social thing? Do we want to stay youthful so that others continue to find us attractive or whatever? I realized a few months ago that my hair was starting to thin. (A busser at work pointed it out to me... a darling boy, really. prick.) My mom has thin hair, though, so it wasn't really all that surprising to me. I mean, I'm not balding by any sense of the word. But let's just say I didn't dye my hair a darker color more than once 'cause that one time it kinda went "HEY! Look at me! I'm thin! You can almost see the scalp right through me!" And I've thought about getting different shampoos, or trying rogain or whatever. But I shrugged it off. Well, in all honestly, I do buy the "thickening" shampoo... but com'on. It's no more expensive than any other shampoo, so I'm not going out of my way for it. I'm just aware of the situation and I'm addressing it; not calling it a problem and panicking about it. But yeah, so, more or less, shrugged it off. Who cares if it's starting to thin? Who cares if I go bald one day? (I don't think I will... I think it'll just get really thin, but who knows?) I'm not going to worry about signs of aging. Aging is a natural process, and it's nothing to be embarassed about.

I really have no clue how I got on that subject. When I'm going to sleep, I know that sleep itself is close by when my mind starts darting to random subjects. Like mini-dreams, but with more of a basis in reality. Maybe that whole "aging" track is my mind darting... I'm going to try sleeping again. I'll let you know if it doesn't work.