FREEEEEEEEDOMMMMMM!!!!

That's what Mel Gibson said in Braveheart. Then he called everyone a dirty Jew. Or something like that.

I went out with a bunch of coworkers last night. I'd be remiss if I said I wasn't disappointed a bit, because I thought we were going to just a bar, but apparently on "Ladies' Night" it takes on a more club-like atmosphere. I'm white; I don't dance really well. And I've not been clubbing in YEARS which meant that I didn't recognize any of the songs that made everyone else shriek like banshees when they started playing. However I learned, or perhaps remembered, something vital in that outing: I'm happy being single. I was SO happy in my last relationship, that I'd forgotten that I was happy before it and, consequently, could also be happy after it. I'd forgotten how to relish (sp? I don't mean the condiment) the freedom of being unattached. And it's not to say that I felt restricted or constrained in my last relationship; far from it. But in a relationship, you have to be mindful of what the other person is thinking or feeling or wanting (or you SHOULD be mindful, anyways). And I didn't mind that, truthfully, but I had forgotten what it was like to only be accountable for me, to have my life WIDE open and to be able to do what I please.

Now, don't get me wrong, last night started in kind of a depressed funk (thanks to the loveable combination of alcohol and an already saddened mindset). It didn't help that the DJ played a song or two that reminded me of my recent ex. But at some point, I let go and started having fun and remembered what being single is all about. IT'S GREAT!

For the sake of a disclaimer, however, I feel like I should comment that I would've texted or called her last night while I was out. I say "would've" because I know myself well enough to know that alcohol would create that desire (or, more appropriately, unleash it) and so I deleted her numbers from my phone. Oh, now don't get your dander up. I wrote them down on a piece of paper before I left. I love her, and that means (for better or worse) that I'll take whatever role in her life that she'll let me play (and for now, that's of a friend. I'm not sure how that happened either; it's complicated; don't ask). So I want the numbers so that I can call her in, say, a few days to see what's new. But I didn't want to call yet; she wants space and time to do her own thing, and I'm doing everything in my power to give it to her. Which is hard; I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to get back together (a first amongst my relationships). But I'd also be lying if I said I'm craving that a little bit less after last night. Now's the time to live, and to let the future take care of itself.

"I wish the ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had ever happened."

"So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time we are given."