"I'm not as good as I once was...

...but I'm as good once as I ever was..."

Never thought I'd quote a country song, but it's stuck in my head. And I kinda like the feeling to the song too; I can see myself being that way when I get older. You know, being aware of my limits, but still being able to give it my all for one big push if the situation calls for it (whatever said situation may be; in the song, I think it ranges from 2 chicks at once, to backing a buddy up in a bar fight, to something else).

Why do I study tai chi? My initial response to that question is something along the lines of "to bring my body and will in line with my mind and spirit, and to strengthen them all." But there is a more basic, more primal desire too; I want to learn how to fight. Not because I want to, but because I want to be able to if I ever need to, be it to protect someone else or myself. (No, I've never been beat up; picked on? yes. Beat up? no.) And it's not a specific problem in my neck of the woods, but the fact is that I don't know precisely where my future will take me, and I want to be able to take care of myself if need be.

But it's funny, because tai chi itself fulfills my initial response better, I think, than my primal one. I always, always leave that class in a good mood. Today is a perfect example; I'd had a rough weekend, culminating today. Things kinda didn't go as I wanted them to, especially concerning my costume. And then I couldn't find a replacement turtleneck for the one I'd ostensibly ruined during my experimenting. And I was kinda down, but I had class from 1-2, and I forced myself to go, and it really is quite the liberating experience. By the end of the session, my spirits were up, a smile was back on my face, and I was able to continue my turtleneck hunt with renewed vigor. I can't explain exactly what causes that, but it has never once failed to be true; I have always noticed during the walk from my school to my car that my mood has vastly improved over what it was when I walked the opposite direction an hour earlier. I don't know if it's the breathing exercises, or the need to learn being fulfilled, or the physical exertion, or the concentrating on something outside of my life; but whatever it is, it's wonderful. I can understand why so many practitioners make a point to start every day with it. If I could bring myself to do that, maybe I wouldn't have rough weekends...