Ani and Ben

I am gradually, gradually growing out of buying toys. I bought the occasional toy well into my adult years, mostly for the sake of nostalgia. When I was, like, 21/22ish I spent 40-some dollars to buy all five Voltron lions to relive my youth. I’d occasionally buy a Transformer, or a Talking Stitch, or somesuch; I suppose it was in a vain effort to hold onto my more youthful, more carefree days. At some point, however, I finally realized that I don’t really play with toys anymore (well, not more than the first five minutes anyway) and I’m not much of a collector either. So I basically had a motley collection of toys floating around my room and the attic, none of which served any real purpose anymore than to take up otherwise empty space. So I bid a final adieu to nostalgia, junked the toys, and stopped wasting my money on such things. With one exception: I had to spend the $15 each to get the Star Wars Unleashed versions of Anakin Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kenobi. The whole “Unleashed” series depicts various characters at crucial points in the movies, and they are created with an astounding attention to detail in regards to the emotions the character is dealing with at the time. Both the Obi-Wan and Anakin figure (and I find it entertaining that neither name shows up as a spelling error in Microsoft Word (although a lower-case microsoft does...)) convey terrible heartbreak; in Obi-Wan it is married with a sense of duty overcoming sadness; in Anakin it is coupled with rage and confusion.

For me, the most meaningful duel throughout the entire Star Wars saga is the one (well, the first one) that takes place between Kenobi and his onetime apprentice. I don’t feel as though it’s because it was the duel people (well, Star Wars fans anyway) had been waiting to see on screen either. (We all knew that in the history of Star Wars, it had to happen, but the details and visuals were highly anticipated.) Although the Yoda/Palpatine duel is certainly entertaining, I think it pales in comparison to the one between Kenobi and Skywalker, and here’s why: Yoda and Palpatine fight almost as gods. They are the very archetypes of good and evil, and while it is fascinating to see those two duke it out, we don’t truly understand either of them. Yoda is so just and Palpatine so insidiously selfish that they’re both out of reach for us. We don’t relate to them.

But Anakin and Obi-Wan? They’re just people. They’re two sides of the same coin, the very coin that rests in our hearts. Any given one of us has the potential to be either of these characters. Anakin, by this point, is not entirely evil. He has remorse for what he has done, and is visibly torn-up by it. But he consoles and steadies himself with the fact that he’s only doing it to be able to save the woman he loves. (A partial-truth, as we all know, but truth does lie in the eye of the beholder.) Obi-Wan, on the other hand, is not some high-and-mighty do-gooder come from on-high to smite the wicked. He is equally as distraught as Anakin. Anakin was his apprentice, his friend, his brother, and now his enemy. Obi-Wan suffers during their duel as much as Anakin. For Anakin, the suffering comes from the awakening knowledge that what he’s doing is wrong, but he feels he is beyond redemption. For Obi-Wan, he is saddened and disappointed by what his friend has become, but he cannot allow others to suffer because of it.

As I said, both characters can be found within our souls. When we allow anger and selfish whims to rule our lives, we become more like Anakin. When peace and love govern our thoughts and actions, we are more like Obi-Wan. And the scary thing, for me, lies in our potential to be either. Under different circumstances, the positions of that dual could be reversed, with Obi-Wan being the fallen Jedi and Anakin doing what he must for the sake of the galaxy. And I think in that case, the emotions felt in each position would not be any different, just also switched. Regardless of which was Jedi and which was Sith, neither of them are completely good or evil. They both know right from wrong, but one lives by it while the other attempts to forget it.

The two figures in my room, designed to lock together to represent this epic battle, are a reminder of the private war we wage within ourselves (nice alliteration, huh?) every day of our lives. Emotions are a wonderful, powerful thing, but when coupled with an ego, they can do as much damage as they can benefit. I like to pretend that I’m more like Obi-Wan; that I place the needs of others above my own wants. But the truth is that I’m deathly afraid that the Anakin within either has or will one day surface, and I will be lost.