Why title these things?
Well, I'm not really sure why I'm doing this. I know I picked the "Rounders 3" format 'cause I love the movie, and it'd be nice to see one sequel, not to mention two of them. But I digress. I guess I'm doing this because a friend of mine does, and he seems to find it very theraputic. (Hmm... I don't think this is worth me using the little spellcheck device.) Anyway, his blog is at http://100x3.blogspot.com if you want to check it out.
I type tonight because I can't sleep. I can't sleep because I'm haunted by memories of the past. Memories of a hurt that I've long since tried to forget. I don't want to say much about it; I've since forgiven the offense; tried to write off the whys and the hows as just circumstance, and started anew. And therein lies the problem. In starting anew, I find myself fast approaching the situation which prompted the hurt.
I've been single for long enough that I've become cynical about relationships. I see people, my friends, unhappy with whomever they're with, and not willing to do anything to change it. I've watched them make the same mistakes over and over again, sometimes with different people, sometimes with the same person. And I've never understood why. If you aren't happy, why be with someone? I'm not saying things will, or even should, always be perfect in a relationship. I'm just saying that "I know we can make it work" and "we really care about each other and we just need to try harder" can only go so far. A point should be reached where there's simply a mutual acknowledgement that "Hey, we fight more than we get along; the bad times match, if not outnumber, the good; and my friends are tired of hearing me complain about you. I think it's time we see other people." No fuss; no muss. Just be adults, and move on. And yet, people are afraid to be alone. Afraid that if they ruin this relationship, that another will never come, and so they continue struggling, for years even, in an effort to make something work that was never going to do so.
What does this have to do with my situation? I was falling under the "making the same mistake I've already made" category. But I'm not anymore. Just in being able to write this out, to consciously realize the path that I almost walked is enough to snap me out of it. Pah! Who needs love? I have my health, my philosophizing, and you, my newly would-be loyal readers to entertain! And I am not afraid to be alone...