Gratitude

"The little things used to mean so much to Shelly. I thought they were trivial. Believe me... nothing is trivial." -The Crow

I haven't quoted that line in some time, but it's a good one. People, most people at least, take so much for granted. Their house. Their car. Their jobs. Their family. Their dinner. Their TV. Etc, etc. Their health; that's a good one. They feel they've earned it, or accomplished it themselves. But they forget that other people are involved; there's no such thing as a "self-made man." I don't care what argument you might have, it's impossible to deny that no one would succeed at anything without the help of others. In a business sense, that help comes from investors, or employees, or (if no one else) customers. If we're talking about a spiritual sense, then aid comes from family, or clergy, or the texts left behind by holy men. People forget that we are not alone in this world, and they sometimes (well, lots of times) forget how much a small act of kindness can mean. How many of us see a homeless man on the street and think "Oh, great, another 'homeless' man." We've gotten so used to seeing on the news how people scam their way into donations that we ignore the fact that there are still people out there who need our help. Even if 80% of the beggars on the streets are frauds, I'd like to give what I can to be able to help the 20% who aren't. Even if it does nothing, even if they still die alone on the streets, at least that day, maybe, I gave them the hope to keep trying. I might have given them belief in the human race again. And that's worth a buck or two here and there.

Why I'm not voting

A friend of mine's blog (I felt) took a direct jab at me because I don't plan on voted. Reasons were requested/demanded. This was initially published as a comment to his post, but I figured I'd put it up here too, just in case anyone was wondering. Feel free to try to tell me I'm wrong on ANY of these points, much less all of them.

"Before I start the requested reasons I'm not voting, I'm also reserving my right to complain about whoever IS elected. "But if you don't vote, you can't complain!" Bullshit. I not only hear people who voted for Gore complain about Bush, but I hear people who voted for Bush complain about Bush. SO, voting in general seems to have no sway whatsoever on a person's ability to bitch. Besides, it's the American way. Now, onto why I'm not voting, just to put your mind as ease in as concise a format as possible:

1) Politicians are liars. Period, end of sentence. They used to be lawyers! They say what they think will get them the votes they need to get (re)elected. You like Candidate A's tax break plan? Great! Wonderful! Fantastic! It's BUUUUUULLLLLLLshit. He's not going to implement it, and he just may do the opposite. Roll the dice, have a good time. Not for me, thanks.

2) They're overpaid. They're comped everything and anything, I'm sure. They have a roof over their heads and a half dozen chaufeurs and pilots to take them anywhere. Why do they need multiple hundreds of thousands of dollars a year? More importantly, why do they need that much after retiring? That money would be better spend on a multitude of things.

3) The president may be the single most powerful man in the world, but he's still severely limited in his ability to enact anything. Even if he genuinely wanted to implement the above-mentioned tax break, congress would go "Nuh-uh. That'd mean a pay cut for us. Not gonna happen."

4) For a similar reason as 3, the president couldn't really do too much to fuck-up or boost-up our country on his own. Too many checks and balances. A great man would still be slowed down by the morons in the Senate and the House of Reps, and a dictator would likewise be halted in his tracks. So if congress is around to pretty much keep him at an even-keel, what difference does it make who's at the helm?

5) Our vote really DOESN'T count. I don't care what you say. We don't vote for president. We vote for republican or democrat, and then someone who's supposed to vote for republican or democrat goes and votes (in theory) for that side. But they don't have to. On top of that, if a given candidate gets, what, 5 or 6 given states, the other states are irrelevant; he's already gotten all the votes he needs out of those states. That's why a winner can be predicted before the polls have even closed on the west coast. "Oh, but the 2000 election was decided by less than 3000 votes." Right, Because the electoral congress was so evenly sided that the one or so votes that those 3000 votes would have created made the difference.

6) It is a priviledge to vote, not a duty. No one goes around yelling at people who don't drive, but it could very easily be argued that multiple people's decision to drive or not to drive could have quite a profound effect on our country. And if anyone out there DOES get on a non-driver's case, shut up. We have enough pollution as it is.

7) The fact that we have a bipartisan system is absurd. Why should politicians be labeled "democrat" or "republican?" What makes the distinction? Are there really any fine lines anymore? It seems to me that many democrats hold republican ideals and vice-versa. However, because there IS such a thing as democrat or republican, people will vote for that categorization rather than a president. That's a great way to be, right?

8) Plato ranked democracy as the second lowest form of government, just above anarchy. And with good reason. What do you or I know about government spending? How can we begin to know what tax plan is best, not for ourselves (God forbid), but for the country? How can any joe-blow american pretend to know how to deal with the situation in Iraq? Oh, yeah, I forgot. We're supposed to educate ourselves. Well, unfortunately, the only way to educate ourselves without bias is to put ourselves in that given situation, and I personally have no desire to go to Iraq right about now. People talk incessantly as if they new what they were talking about, and politicians talk to us as though we can even begin to understand the topics they're discussing. Oh, wait a sec... some people think they actually do.

9) The system, unfortunately, is nigh-impossible to change. It would entail NOT ONLY playing the system's game for a number of years just to get to a position of enough power to effect a change, but getting MULTIPLE other people who feel similarly to do so in other check and balance positions so that the change you're trying to effect doesn't get vetoed. Oh, and all that's presuming that you can either A) convince the american public that these off-the-wall ideas you have are what's best for them and the country despite the inordinate amount of long-term-faith that would require, or B) bullshit them enough that they choose your bullshit over your competitors.

Are those enough reasons not to vote? 'Cause I can keep going... Now, all you people that do vote, that's fine; fantastic; good for you. We need people to vote, because if NO ONE voted, no one'd get elected, etc, etc. I understand that. However, don't jump MY shit because I'm exercising my decision to NOT have to pick between two liars who stand on polar opposite sides of certain issues of which I will never have any degree of knowledge or appropriation, in addition to the fact that whatever they say they will do vs. what they actually will try to do is kept in an almost constant state of stalemate by the wonderful people in congress who are more obsessed with getting themselves raises and staying in office than in actually doing any good for our country. I have a better way to spend my Tuesday, thank you."

A plug

OH! I'm only gradually realizing I can do this sort of thing: If you've ever played the first Final Fantasy for the original Nintendo, and you've maybe role-played once or twice, and you have a kinda quirky sense of humor, checkout www.nuklearpower.com
This guy does an incredible job of writing a (usually) funny strip using the characters from the game, while kind-of/sort-of keeping with the original basic course of events from the game. It's hard to explain, but I'm hooked; I go to the site daily to see if the latest post is up yet. Oh, and it's free too; he does ask for donations (even as small as a dollar) since updating this site is basically his life, and I'd happily drop him a fiver a month if I weren't so neck-deep in debt. In any event, check it out. One word: "Swordchucks."

God Friend

This was originally going to be a religious-based blog, detailing my current crisis of faith. Briefly put, I have begun to question one of the core beliefs that I've had for my entire life. (More specifically, I've begun to wonder about the nature of the existence of Jesus.) But the crisis has been, not averted... I would say 'diffused.' And the source of that diffusal (if I may make up that word) is the new topic of this post: friendship.
After my last post regarding defining terms, I feel I should specify exactly what I mean by friendship. I don't necessarily mean your drinking buddies, or your coworkers, or even the people you hang out with. I'm talking about true friendship. One of my favorite quotes is from a friend of mine, who defines true friendship rather eloquently, I think: "Friendship is when you can come to me in fifteen years, having not seen me for ten years, and need a place to stay, and know that you have a place to stay."
I think friendship is the greatest gift God has ever given us. Moreso than marriage, or sex, or anything. Friendship is the divine manifest in our lives. True friends are everything to each other; they are more than just buddies or pals; they stand by each other through the worst in each other's lives. They are there to help us with our problems, to confront our fears, to ease our worries. They make us laugh at things that no one should find funny. They drop everything to be there for us when we need them. They would leap into a fight to defend us with no way to win, knowing that if they are to die, "there is no better way to go then at the side of a friend."
Tonight in particular, I speak of my friend Jackson. He has been there for me more times than I can count, and, I'd like to think, I for him. There is no understanding, no explaining, the bond we share. It is not so much a commonality of likes and dislikes, but something deeper. Perhaps that we're both original, both real. Both authentic, to use a Heideggarian term. We live our lives in such a way as we deem fit, and not how we are supposed to. We are two people searching, not for a place in the world, but for our place in the world. And we won't settle.
I say friendship is the greatest gift because I have friends, old friends, with whom I have never fought. With whom I have never grown weary, or irriatated, or disgruntled. Marriage is often seen, I think, as the greatest of bonds, but what marriage occurs without any discontent? It seems to me that any marriage has some degree of disputes, or wonderings of "what if," or just some form of not meshing. Marriages are often held together only by a contract, or by commonly-held children. True friendship needs no such ties. Your friend is there for you, with you, for anything, for any reason. Another quote that seems appropriate is "A good friend will bail you out of prison. A true friend will be sitting in prison next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun!'"
As I mentioned briefly above, I've been questioning the nature of Jesus. Was he God? Was he divine, and yet not God? Was he just a holy man, or a wise man? Someone who maybe was just in tune with the world around him? I've come to the decision, on my ride home tonight, that regardless of which of those he was, he was something more than all of them. He was our friend, and that was the best thing that he could have been. Even through the worst, he stayed our friend. Even through the betrayal, the denial, the flogging, the mocking, and the execution; He bore us no ill-will. There was no anger there. A great sadness, I imagine; the worst heart-break possible. But his love for us never stopped. And that takes a friend of the highest order. Because sometimes friendship means you get drained. Sometimes your friend is having a hard enough time over a long enough period that they keep drawing strength from you, repeatedly, excessively, until you're tapped. And even then, when you have nothing left to give, you reach down and you find it, because you simply don't let your friends down. That is what Jesus did for all of us, and it is what he continues to do for me today, through Jackson. Jackson represents to me the best of Christ in all of us. He is not perfect, by any standards, nor does he posess any kind of miraculous healing capabilities. (None that I've yet seen, in any event.) But he has the ability to give without asking in return. To listen to what I have to say, and not only offer his own opinion, be it complemantary or contrary to mine, but do so without judging. In this regard, he is everything that I hope that I have been for him and for others, or at least that I one day may be. It is a little unfair to orient this post strictly to Jackson, for I have other people whom I consider true friends as well. But Jackson, moreso than the others, is to whom I have always turned, and who has always responded.
I must confess that there are friends I am losing touch with. Either our tastes have changed, or our locations, or life itself has simply gotten in the way. I am guilty of perhaps not trying as hard as I should to maintain these friendships. I think part of it is that there is a great deal on my plate right now, between two jobs and volunteering and trying to get back into school, on top of the distances and conflicting schedules that bar reunions. But truly, that is no excuse. I think any reclusiveness on my behalf comes in part from the definition I used above: Months could go by that I have not spoken with certain friends, and I or they could call and we'd pick up where we had left off, with no difference but the great deal of catching-up that would have to go on. I could go for years without talking to them, and still drop everything to be there in their darkest hour when they but asked.
Friends are the rarest, most sacred gift we as humans have, and we take them for granted entirely too often. I know I do, but I console myself with the fact that I am never so grateful for anything as when I have again come to realize the value of my friends. For those of you who have not experienced the type of friendship of which I speak, my pity for you is matched only by my desire for you to get out and socialize and start making friends. Be aware that many, most even, of the friends you make will not be of the caliber of which I speak. It will take some searching and many fair-weather-friends before you can find even one true friend. I consider myself blessed-and-a-half that I have so many people that I can turn to in my times of need. And to those people, I have only this to say; something I fear I do not say often enough:

I love you.

Defining moments

I think the easiest way to turn an argument in your favor is to force someone to define whatever it is they're arguing. Because most people can't; most people have no real appropriation to the knowledge that they use in their argument. People will tell you why such and such quarterback should be the starter, but they've never coached. They don't work with the team. Maybe the starting receivers don't like that quarterback; who knows? But people will argue up and down about it like they have it on good authority that their POV is right.
On that note, I'd like to offer my definintion of a 'sage.' No, I don't mean the spice. I'd like to distinguish between sage and scholar. I don't want to be a scholar, for a few reasons. Firstly, I think there's a certain prestige associated with scholar, even that is sought after by those types of people. I don't want prestige. I'd like to be an exemplar to others, but I don't want to be revered. Secondly, I think scholars know, but sages understand. To paraphrase a quote from the Tao of Pooh, scholars can tell you about all sorts of things; tree, dog, flower. But don't ask them to trim the tree, feed the dog, and water the flower. Living things are beyond them.
I think I'm done typing now. I have the attention span of a small puppy, I swear. I have so many thoughts that I want to get out, but I'm either too lazy or too easily distracted by the likes of instant messenger and porn and whatnot. Oh well. Adieu, pour maintenant.

readme.txt

Does anyone actually read those files anyway? Or do we all just know 'a guy?' A friend of a brother's friend who knows someone who works with computers, and we act like they're our friends so they come fix our CPUs and make our programs work. That seems more likely to be the case. Now, I have the benefit of having two friends and a dad who all work with computers, so my 'guy's are a little more legitimate when they help me out. But still, I've poked my head in a few of those txt files ('cause I like to try to solve things on my own), and they usually seem pretty cryptic to me. Not cryptic... maybe needlessly full? It seems like so much stuff in there is just taking up space, and none of it ever pertains to what I need.

An interesting thing happened to me at work today. On Sundays, my restaurant (well, not mine, but you know what I mean) has a brunch menu. Now brunch is a pain in the ass for a couple of reasons. Firstly, all the menu items are roughly nine bucks. Secondly, they all come with fruit and muffins (which are kept downstairs). Thirdly, champagne is complimentary (still haven't figured that one out.) And fourthly (we'll cut it here; I don't think there'd ever be a 'lastly') everyone gets more than one drink. I don't know why. But for three tables in a row today (9 people worth) I was averaging 3 drinks per person per table. Why do people need such a variety of drinks with breakfast? I'm guilty too, I guess at least a little, 'cause I'll usually get milk and OJ when I go out. However, I don't get (and this is an actual order for one person) water, champagne, coffee, and OJ. (Keep in mind that two of those four are free; hence another problem with brunch: I'll bust my ass for a table of four people (because everyone wants a plethora of drinks and extra muffins, etc) for a check that totals, maybe, $45-$50 bucks. And, of course because it's brunch, that results in a six dollar tip. Thanks folks. Really, thanks. (Before you comment, I'm not the best server, but I'm pretty good; my tables rarely have need for anything, and on non-brunch days I average around 17-18% tips)

Anyway, the interesting thing that happened, happened while we were getting crushed. I was going down in the weeds like a two-dollar-whore. I could not keep anyone satisfied. (This is mostly because someone'll order coffee, and by the time I bring it back, someone else at the table decides they'd like a glass too. Well, don't tell me that at the same time and save me a trip, right?) So, I have people hitting me with stupid questions ('where do those train tracks go?' How the fuck should I know? They go 'that way' folks. Why don't you go to the station and ask the conductor what our specials are tonight?) , staggering their various drink requests rather than telling me all at once, etc. And I just snapped. I snapped. I don't mean I flew off on a rage of profanity. (That was happening already before the snapping occured.) I simply stopped caring if my tables got what they needed. I realized that I was going to give myself a heart attack trying to please people who probably couldn't be pleased and certainly wouldn't tip well even if they were. So I stopped caring. If they asked for something, they'd get it when I got it to them. End of story. But then things got weird. When I stopped caring, I kind of fell into this zone. It was as though not caring had made me a more competent brunch server. I didn't care if people got their jelly in time, but I still got it to them in time. It was as though I had tapped into some sort of server-Tao; to use the cliche, "It was not done by me... it was done through me." Anyway, it was very transcendental.

Oh, and on a quick side note before I go to bed, I may have saved a friend's life tonight. I saw his truck down the street at his folks' place when I got home from work, so I went down to say hi. Long story made short, he was planning on driving another hour on the highway with a good 4" gash in the sidewall of his tire. And he was ignoring his parents' pleas to change it before he left. He kept saying that if he had to change it on I95, then he'd change it on I95. I'm not 100% sure he understood the notion of a blowout. I don't know that many people do, really. It was a somewhat foreign concept to me until a friend used it as a caution against the 120mph I was doing at the time. About a week later, I saw a picture of a 350Z that had a blowout at around that speed. Not pretty. Folks, if a tire 'blows out,' you're problems are much bigger than a flat. That tire explodes, and all the compressed air inside will send that quarter of the car way off course. Now, rear blowouts aren't as bad, but if it's a front tire that goes (as his was), the force will suddenly thrust the front end of your car to the side, turning you perpendicular to the direction you were traveling. I can't think of any car that won't roll if that happens around 70 mph. So if your tires are bald, or have a gash in them, protect yourselves and other drivers and get 'em straightened out. You could either fork over $300 for tires or $10,300 for a new car. Back to by story, I told him to let me see his tire (being of a mild mechanical inclination and, at the very least, enjoying working on cars), and I told him that if he didn't want to change it, that I would. So we changed his tire and he went on his way. I don't know if it would have blown on him or not, but the man is like my brother, and I wouldn't have forgiven myself if I'd've just let him roll and something would have happened to him. Anyway, that's it for tonight, I think. I'm off in the typically vain effort to get 7 hours of sleep. ttfn

What's wrong with people?

I had a table walk out on me tonight without paying their check. So, of course, I got stuck paying the bill because that's Macgregor's policy. What a gip! And then, the bastards had the gaul (sp?) to leave me a dollar! They left, didn't pay the check (didn't even ask me for it, 'cause they weren't even done eating), and then they leave me a dollar! What's the point of leaving me a frickin' dollar? What, did they think I was a nice guy or something? Was that their way of saying 'sorry?' 'Here's a dollar, bub. Sorry we dicked you over.' I burned the dollar. I don't want that trash. It's an insult to me that they left it. I'm sorry if they can't afford to eat out, but then they shouldn't eat out. Period, end of sentence. I didn't mean to dump on you; I just had to get that off of my chest. I hope any and everyone out there has a better night than I did.

Who you callin' a yo-yo?

Yo-yos are fun. Not to be confused with yos, who I think happen to be not so fun. Yeah, nothing like pretending you're a hard-ass and grimacing all day to have a good time. Anyway, yo-yos are cheap entertainment. And there's skills to be learned too. It's not easy to go around the world all the time. Sometimes when you throw it, it's twisted sideways, and the whole thing goes awry. And then, you know, sometimes when you throw it, the string slips off your finger, and you hit someone in the head, and their lawyer sues you. That's not always fun, but it sure is good for a laugh. Especially if you're the string, and you just didn't like the guy using you, and you were trying to get him in trouble.

So I learned from the last post to doublespace in between paragraphs. It makes the flow of thought (such as it is) easier to follow, I think.

I got to play Burnout 3 last night; I think I like 2 better. Not sure why; I think part of it has to do with the 'crash' portion of the game, where you compete to see how much monetary damage you can cause. In 2, you could have goals. Like, if you just smashed into a bus, that was, like, $120,000 worth of damage. But, if you could get the bus to roll? Easy $500 Gs. I didn't notice that in 3; it seemed to me like what you hit had a more or less set cost, regardless of what happened to the vehicle after impact. I didn't like the racing portion as much either; I like that you can wreck your opponents, but I don't like that the game play pauses to show you them wrecking. It throws off my rhythm, and if I'm zipping around a corner when it happens, and not prepared when the race starts back up, I'm gonna crash too. And that's no way to win races. Still a good game, and I'll say I have to play it more before making a final decision between 2 and 3, but for now I'm content to own 2. (Oh, 3 does offer more cars though, so that's nice.)

I guess that's all I'll post for now. I could (easily) talk more about the subject of the last post, but I don't want to bore any would-be readers out there. Variety is the spice of life, or so they say. So we'll limit this one to the subject of toys and video games, and on that topic, I'd like to add two final notes: 1) Final Fantasy VII is quite possibly the best RPG for any video game system (while replaying it, I wasn't quite sure what the fascination with it was until I got about 10 hours deep; then I went "Oh yeah.... that's why this game kicks ass...") 2) I can't wait to get a Game Boy Advance so I can play The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past. In my opinion, that was the best Zelda game they ever did. (I just couldn't get into the whole 3-d world of the newer nintendo systems; the games look great, and I'm sure they're up to par with Zelda quality; they're just not my style.) Anyhoo, have yourselves a great one, and I'll see you on the flip side.