Return of the Jedi

Not that I think I'm a jedi... well, not yet anyway. Yes, I'm well aware that I'll never have a lightsaber, and that odds are that I won't ever be able to "use the force." But I think that one day I can feel it; that I'll be able to make the choices that are the right ones for me to make, without having to think them through or over-analyze them. And I hope that I can one day have the sense of inner-peace that seems to permeate those Mr. Lucas dubbed 'Jedi.'

I am making headway. I'm a calmer person than I used to be, and I'm taking strides in cutting back on the materialism fostered by American society. I've been practicing meditating, which is no easy task for me. Not only is it very difficult for me to sit still, but my mind moves a mile a minute too. Emptying my thoughts is... well, difficult. I keep thinking of something or another, dwell on it for five minutes, shake myself back to nothingness, then repeat the process with something else. I've also realized that, in knowing myself better, I know longer have to defend the things I do or the decisions I make. I do and make them while being true to myself, and because I know that, I don't have to rationalize my actions to others. That's difficult to do for me as well; I like being right, like thinking that I have a leg-up on things. And when someone disagrees with me, it's hard to simply let them disagree without trying to sway them to my point of view. It's the philosopher in me, vs. the taoist. The philosopher wants to argue and debate and convince; the taoist just wants to be, and, ideally, to have fun whilst being.

I intend to start trying to volunteer my time more too. There's a lot of people out there that could use some help, and though I understand I can't help everyone, there are things that I can do to help some people. I have one or two more things I have to touch-up as far as a schedule is concerned, then I'm going to try to start helping out at a shelter or food drive or something. I've even stopped playing with my car, and I'm reselling the parts that I bought for it. Slowly, but surely, I'm learning to turn away from distractions and become the man that I'm supposed to be. So that's exciting. Sleep calls now though, and I must harken to it. I will try to post more... for what that's worth. G'night all!