Abuse

I got my ass kicked at school today (For those of you just joining us, it's a martial arts school. I'm past the point of going to school with bullies.) My first class was just me and a brown sash, who is normally rather meek but today was what I might call over-zealous. A somewhat-missed front-sweep resulted in my half being blasted by his shin; that'll probably be a bruise. One of the techniques we were doing involved blocking in some way or another, and every time he blocked my punch, he made contact with me in such a way that he ground my shirt into that really sensitive area by your underarm. So now it's like I have rug burns just above both biceps.

Later today, shih-fu (that means instructor/father) went to teach some basic self-defense techniques to a group of girl scouts, and he took me along to help out (hold bags, watch them, etc.) Now, I'm not sure if shih-fu was showing off, or if he mis-gauged some distance, or what. But one heel kick to my stomach made VERY solid contact, an arm break demonstration WELL overextended my elbow, and the underside of my forearm is killing me for a reason I can't quite remember. And (this is the kicker), AND (okay, not literally a "kick"-er, but I can see how you might make that mistake), AND!!! the following dialogue also took place during the demonstration.

Girl Scout 1: If someone grabs you from behind, can you flip them?

Shih-fu: Sure, you can flip them.

Girl Scout 2: Can you flip him? (Pointing at me.)

Shih-fu (smiling): Yeah, I can flip him.

Girl Scouts 1-8 (virtually simultaneously): Will you do it? Can you? Flip him, please!!

... So, yeah, I got flipped for the first time today too. (He was gentle. In a straight way.) And whoever claimed that women are the caring, nurturing, gentler species, has clearly never dealt with 13-year-old girls.

G the B

Well, I'm updating every week or so; that's not too bad, right?

I finally got my Greg the Bunny DVD back from my coworker this past monday. SUCH a great show! Why do all the truly funny shows get booted from TV after one season? (I mean besides The Simpsons. And Family Guy. And Friends. And Cheers. And, okay, you know what? Why did Greg have to get booted after one season?) I've watched all 14 episodes since I got it back. It's truly classic comedy. It centers around a sesame street-like show called Sweetknuckle Junction. The difference is that, in Greg the Bunny, the puppets are real and have as many psychosis (if not more) than their human costars. Hilarity ensues.

An example, you request? Okay. Warren Demontague is an alcoholic, drug-popping, classically trained actor. He's also a puppet ape. Tardy Turtle is, well, a turtle. And he's retarded. (Seriously; the show wasn't very PC; hmmm... I might have just answered my earlier question.) Here's an example of an interaction between the two:

Warren: Hey Tardy... listen, I need to fill some seats tonight, how'd you like to come to my play?
Tardy: I... I like to play with Warren.
Warren: No, Tardy. I will be IN a play. You understand?... performing.
Tardy: Aw, I'm not 'upposed to eat da Legos.
Warren: [mutters] Eauh, God... It's like talking to Keanu Reeves.


I know! It's awesome, right? A further example of it's wit? The opening menu for the DVD is narrated by Greg himself. "Hi, you're watching Greg the Bunny. If you want to pick an episode, just click on "Episode Selection." If you'd like to check out special features, just click on the, uh, "Special Features" over there. And if you'd like to pick languages... you... probably don't understand what I'm saying anyway..."

So, yeah, Greg the Bunny is awesomeness incarnate. You (all two of you) should check it out. I don't know if Blockbuster would have it or not; but Best Buy has it for $22. You should buy it if you can't find it to rent; seriously. It'll be the best 7+ hours you've ever spent, I guarantee it. If it isn't, I'll... give you the 8th hour free! (Yes, yes, I ripped that off. I'll give a 9th hour to anyone who knows from where... lol; actually, I just remembered from where, and it's a popular movie, so I'm sure most people will know.)

PS

My instructor's band is called "Crofton Daniels." They have a sound I'd only describe as metal/punk/rock/ish. But they sound good; an excellent guitarist. Check 'em out.

(Another PS: Remember when I wrote that my instructor had told me to brace myself? I still have the bruise. Tomorrow night makes a full week.)

POV

"Obi-wan... why didn't you tell me? You told me Vader betrayed and murdered my father."

"Your father was seduced by the dark side of the force; he ceased to be Anakin Skywalker and became Darth Vader. When that happened, the good man who was your father was destroyed. So what I told you was true, from a certain point of view."

"From a 'certain point of view'?"

"Luke, you're going to find many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view..."


I spend tonight trying to decide if my point of view is askew or not. I feel slighted, abandoned even (and not for the first time), by someone I consider to be family, and I'm wondering if I am justified in feeling that way. The person in question will probably take issue with me writing this out, rather than discussing it in person, but the fact of the matter is that by time I might get the opportunity to talk about it, the hurt and anger will have faded, and I most certainly didn't have the chance to talk about it tonight; so I write on here, if for no other reason, to get it out of my system rather than cling to it, which is most unhealthy.

I made plans with my friend two (maybe three?) weeks ago to go see a show tonight; my instructor is the singer in a band and they were having their first(-ish) real gig, and I asked him if he wanted to go and he said sure. As recently as last night, that was still the plan. As I'm getting ready to go down there (about 45-50 minutes before intending to be at the show), he tells me his girlfriend will be hanging out for a while before she goes to dinner at her parents', and that he and I can get something to eat after the show if I want. That's fine; no real problem there; I've become accustomed by this point to expecting his girlfriend to come along on anything we'd planned to do (unless they're fighting, which is roughly a 50/50 shot). So I just get a small cheeseburger on the ride down to hold me over until after the show. However, when I get to his place, roughly ten minutes before I mean to be at the show, he tells me he was "sucker punched" into having dinner with his girlfriend at her parents place. I'm sorry; when did it become rude to say "Well, I kind of already had these plans; I'll have to come another night"? So, okay, that's fine; they'll come to the show with me, hang out, and then they'll go eat, right? Nope. The bands are running a little behind, so they hang around with me for one song and then bail. So, no dinner and virtually no show. And I'm left hanging out with my classmates (who I know, but not particularly well by this point; it was the first time I'd seen any of them outside of class), an empty stomach, and nothing to do after the show (which was only 40 minutes; and I had no intention of sticking around for the other bands, because everyone else that I knew by this point was already leaving too). So where does that leave me? Home, punching away at the keys here, hungry, because I want to go out to eat, but don't want fast food, but also don't want to sit by myself in a restaurant (I'm not above doing that; I just don't want to tonight). Between work and martial arts, I don't feel like I have too much free time anymore, and I was looking forward to enjoying myself tonight. And, despite a good show, I'm now not.

So I ask you, dear readers, is my point of view off? Am I unjustified in thinking the way I am? I am in no way wanting him to choose between me and her; if he wants to date her, that's entirely up to him and it's fine with me. (Besides, I know full-well what that choice would be.) All I want is to feel like slightly more than something that can be tossed aside at a whim; I want my feelings to be considered before plans with me are thrown to the wind. Christ, all I fucking want is a commitment honored, or, if it can't be, at least tell me more than ten fucking minutes before said commitment; give me a chance to find someone else who might go, you know?

And I sit here, simmering and stewing, attempting to figure out if I'm justified to be hurt and upset, and, even moreso, if I am justified in feeling that way, is it worth my effort to hold onto the anger or should I just let it go? This is my friend I'm talking about; my best friend; my brother. He's one of three people (including my actual blood brother) I consider to be in very close running for being my best man should I ever get married. I don't want to stay mad; I don't want to think about what life would be like if we ever had a blow-up fight and I never got to talk to him anymore. But I also don't like wondering if any plans I have with him will be altered or abandoned last minute; I don't like being expendable, and that's how I feel.

Maybe it's just jealousy. (I'm not gay, fyi; not even bi-curious.) But maybe I'm just jealous that she gets his attention now instead of me. I mean, this is a man who's played a large role in my life for over a decade; maybe I just feel like I'm losing him and it scares me. Actually, I can confirm that; it's no 'maybe.' I do feel like I'm slowly but surely being cut from his life; that hanging out with me doesn't mean as much to him as it used to, and that's why it's so easy for him to brush me off. But that's my still-lower-than-it-should-be self-esteem talking. I don't really believe that's the case; but it's hard to not think it.

Anyway, I'm going to go get some food now. I dunno where; out somewhere. Hope everyone has a better night than I am so far.

I'm Kung-fu, bitches!

I don't think I've talked about my experiences since I started my kung-fu training (in addition to my tai chi training), so here are some keepers.

My first class ever, the only person my age/height was the instructor. So, when we partnered up and took turns holding/hitting/kicking bags, he was the one I worked with. Needless to say, black sashes can punch and kick very well, with a lot of power. So it made me kind of sore. But then when it came time for mock-sparring (only open hand strikes; no punches, no kicks, etc), again, he was the one I worked with. So that was a learning experience.

Later that week, I- you know what? I'm exhausted right now (8 hours of work capped by an hour of class), so I'm going to put a halt on my stories. But tomorrow(ish) I'll edit this post and throw you more tales of adventure and excitement. Good night.

-(Continued from Tuesday's post)

So, later that week was a fuller class, and I was paired up with another white sash named Butch. Now, you would probably think that Butch has had some sort of prior martial arts or combat experience. I sure thought so (he says he hasn't). But the reason I thought this is because his kicks have crazy amounts of power, and he can punch faster than I can count. (Butch is, I'm gonna guess, early 30s.) And, at the end of that class, I had the pleasure of sparring Butch. I missed the black belt. I did okay against Butch, but at some point he unleashed his lightning punches upon me and I couldn't do anything but go defensive. (Although I've since been formulating strategies for our next go-round.) Remember Street Fighter 2? Remember Chun Li (the only female character) or, even better, E. Honda (The fat sumo-wrestler)? Remember his 100-hand slap (or Li's lightning kick)? Yeah, I think Butch learned from them. Seriously; you weren't there!

And lastly (for now), when the owner of the school tells you to brace yourself, you'd better get ready for some ouch. He drove into my bicep a total of three times, and left my arm half-asleep. (And I have no doubt that he was restraining himself.) A seperate (separate?) time, he had me on the floor before I knew what was happening. (Again, restrained; I mean, he didn't clobber me and drop me, which, to me, only emphasizes how much more effective the technique would've been if he had wanted to do so.)

But, through all the bruises and the pains, I'm loving life. I can (and do) spend hours at school and, despite being exhausted and hungry at the end of the day, the time flies by and I can't think of a better way to spend it. These days I've been promoting the merits of studying martial arts (particularly at my school, thanks to a healthy dose of school pride) almost as much as I have being single. And, with that, I'm going to sign off again. Ciao!

YAY!

My titles are starting to have less and less to do with my actual subject matter. In this particular instance, I don't really have anything I'm 'yaying' about on here. But 'yay' just seemed to fit, so there you have it.

I was going to go to a show tonight; try to hold onto some of my rapidly-fading youth. I was going to see a singer named Imogen Heap. (Think of Kylie Minogue's beats, Poe's voice, and Bjork's quirkiness... I read about her in the local paper and was intrigued by her throwing off of different record labels and producing her most recent album on her own.) I bought the CD yesterday, and it was cool; kinda dance/techno/trancy/things; but when I got to the place tonight, the show was already sold out, so that was kind of disappointing. (I primarily blame my unwillingness to wait in line in the biting wind for a performer I'd barely heard of.)

And then, I saw a commercial on TV tonight for Veronica Mars, and it's supposed to be guest-staring a band called "The Faders." And they were chicks (I prefer female vocalists infinitely more than male vocalists) and the ounce they played of the song sounded okay (punk/pop, but more towards the pop-end of the spectrum (unfortunately)), so I tried to look them up. The only thing I found of theirs on the web was on the Veronica Mars soundtrack! I thought every band had a website these days; even the ones that weren't popular, much less one's that actually are getting on TV! But I was apparently mistaken. I was able to hear the entire song though, and it was decent, and the main reason that I'm writing about them here is because if they do achieve a moderate amount of popularity and actually release a CD of their own, I'd like to have something to remind me of their existence so I can check for it every once in a while.

Other than that, things is pretty much the same. I have no fewer than five friends in relationships that I don't think they're happy in. And every one of them seems stubbornly intent on staying in it. So, you know, that's wonderful.


(PS: I just went to amazon.com and did find that The Faders have a full-length import CD, so I'ma see about getting that in the next few days. I know you all were worried.)

I have a dream

When I buy my own house, the first thing I'm going to do is go out and buy a biiiiig mailbox; a ginormous one; a big, tempting, plastic white one. Maybe I'll even paint a little target on the side. And THEN what I'm going to do, before I install it, is I'm going sit it open end up, and I'm going to fill about 80% of it with concrete; give it a good 3-4 in coating around each inside surface. Those of you who don't know why are either fortunate or, well, I won't say old, but how about 'out of touch.'

What is the thing with 'mailbox baseball'? I was driving home from class and I saw a solid half-dozen or more mailboxes that were either on their sides or had big holes in them! Now, I know kids will be kids; I think I'm little more than just a big kid myself, and I'll admit that there are times when I get carried away with something and not think about possible consequences. I mean, if kids are out playing baseball in an alley, and one of them cracks a homerun right through Mrs. Stoffalita's kitchen window, that happens. (Mind you, the kids should own up to it and they or their parents should pitch in to replace it, but it was still an accident.) But to take up a baseball bat, say "Fuck that little white ball, let's go get in the car and drive around hitting mailboxes!"... that's not mischievous, it's malicious. I mean, I guess this makes me old, but seriously; don't they have any respect for other people's property? Shit, if you want to drive by and hit a mailbox with a bat, do it at your own fucking house! And what really makes me cringe (and I hope I'm not giving anyone ideas here) is that the next logical progression, from where I can see, is taking a baseball bat to joggers on those back country roads. Weee! Isn't that fun?!?

And that, dear readers, is why I will probably spend the first three months in my new house awake every night, looking out my window. So when those punks drive by and take a swing at my mailbox, and the force of them hitting concrete knocks the batter out of the window, I can see it and laugh. And then go kick the shit out of him while he's dazed. That's what martial arts is all about.

Who's scruffy lookin'?

Disorder type---------------% I am---------Avg % of surveyed

Paranoid--------------------- 22%-------------- 49%
Schizoid--------------------- 54%--------------- 53%
Schizotypal------------------ 82%--------------- 53%
Antisocial-------------------- 38%--------------- 47%
Borderline------------------- 22%--------------- 47%
Histrionic-------------------- 34%--------------- 43%
Narcissistic------------------ 62%--------------- 41%
Avoidant-------------------- 42%---------------- 39%
Dependent------------------ 22%---------------- 37%
Obsessive-Compulsive------ 30%---------------- 40%


Disorder Info
Eccentric Personality Disorders: Paranoid, Schizoid, SchizotypalIndividuals with these disorders often appear odd or peculiar.

Paranoid Personality Disorder - individual generally tends to interpret the actions of others as threatening.

Schizoid Personality Disorder - individual generally detached from social relationships, and shows a narrow range of emotional expression in various social settings.

Schizotypal Personality Disorder - individual is uncomfortable in close relationships, has thought or perceptual distortions, and peculiarities of behavior.

Dramatic Personality Disorders: Antisocial, Borderline, Histrionic, and NarcissisticIndividuals with these disorders have intense, unstable emotions, distorted self-perception, and/or behavioral impulsiveness.

Antisocial Personality Disorder - individual shows a pervasive disregard for, and violation of, the rights of others.

Borderline Personality Disorder - individual shows a generalized pattern of instability in interpersonal relationships, self-image, and observable emotions, and significant impulsiveness.

Histrionic Personality Disorder - individual often displays excessive emotionality and attention seeking in various contexts. They tend to overreact to other people, and are often perceived as shallow and self-centered.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder - individual has a grandiose view of themselves, a need for admiration, and a lack of empathy that begins by early adulthood and is present in various situations. These individuals are very demanding in their relationships.

Anxious Personality Disorders: Avoidant, Dependent, Obsessive-CompulsiveIndividuals with these disorders often appear anxious or fearful.

Avoidant Personality Disorder - individual is socially inhibited, feels inadequate, and is oversensitive to criticism

Dependent Personality Disorder - individual shows an extreme need to be taken care of that leads to fears of separation, and passive and clinging behavior.

Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder - individual is preoccupied with orderliness, perfectionism, and control at the expense of flexibility, openness, and efficiency.

Grave Circumstances

That is how I return to you faithful readers tonight. I come back here to vent because I'm fairly positive I hurt someone tonight; my only solace is that maybe I helped her as well.

I had talked myself into dating a relatively newfound friend (worked with her years ago, didn't talk with her for a while until recently reconnected through a mutual friend/coworker). She's an awesome girl (although I suspect she would argue against that), but my gut was telling me that I shouldn't date her (I have to start listening to that). I overruled my instinct, however, and we proceded to start dating. I had fun with her, I really did. But, as any of you who read faithfully are aware, I really don't want a relationship and possibly won't ever. And when I found myself in what was effectively a relationship with her, that point became very poignant, and I realized something had to change: either me, or the relation between her and I.

That wasn't a snap judgement; I thought about it for a few days, because she's a total sweetheart and I was worried about regretting things if I did end it. But I ultimately decided that even if I one day wanted a relationship, her and I probably didn't have enough in common to be successful long-term (despite how much fun I had with her, we really did have very dissimilar interests). So, with that in mind, my only option was to stop what we had, take some time apart, and hopefully be able to remanufacture the friendship that made hanging out with her fun.

But, in the middle of what was essentially breaking-up with her (which she agreed, given everything else, had to happen), I was still trying to help her out. Her self-esteem is nowhere near where it should be for someone as great as she is, and I tried to point out that she needed to learn to be happy with herself and do what was best for her before worrying about finding someone else. It's kinda funny, because my advice to virtually anyone/everyone is "Be Single." It's as though I get a commission off of people who stay single; like some sort of pyramid scheme, perhaps. (Ed Note: The term "pyramid scheme" will probably get me some spam about that here; betcha.) But I think so few people realize how great it is.

Everyone tells me that all relationships involve compromise. Well of course they do. Because the people in them have spent so much time either in a relationship or else looking for one, that they have no real clue about what they themselves want! They've spent their whole lives grooming themselves for what they thing others will want! So of course compromise comes natural to them; they've not only been doing it their whole lives, but I think in many cases they don't even know who they are to really "compromise" that.

So, I preached to her a bit amidst the tears and the laughter (I can't help but try to make light of a serious situation). I tried to offer my advice as far as what I thought was best for her, but, more importantly, that if she looked inside herself, she'd know what was best for her in any situation. I told her that I enjoyed talking with her and hanging out with her, and that I thought we should take a month or so and not talk to each other to put some distance between us before we tried to be just friends again. (Actually, I made it a month-and-a-half-ish, 'cause a month would put things right before Valentine's Day, which despite being a crock of a holiday in-and-of itself, would probably complicate the friendship process.) And that was that. Part of me feels bad, because I know she was at least a little upset and I hate having to make people feel that way. But for the most part, I know I did what was right by both of us, so I'm clinging to that. With all of that said, I'm fucking exhaused from trouble sleeping last night and a long day today, so I'm off to bed. I won't even bother promising to try to write more here; let's just see what happens. G'night all.