The real story of Thanksgiving

This is the story of Thanksgiving according to those plucky, funny, assholish bastards over at Tshirthell.com. If you enjoy sick humor, and aren't easily offended, go check them out. If you get offended at the thought of senseless violence and bigotry, then just stay the hell away. Anyway, the story made me smile; sometimes things are so rude that I can't help but chuckle.

"[The True Story of Thanksgiving)There has been plenty written about the first Thanksgiving. Seriously, reada book once in a while and you'll see. It was great because there had beena good harvest. The white man taught the Indians how to turn corn intowhiskey, and they taught the white man how to smoke dope and turn birch treebark into primitive LSD. But it was always meant to be a one time thing.But the Indians had other ideas. They started to show up every year. Whileinitially finding the Indians amusing with their clown make-up, flamboyantheadbands, and leather diapers, the white man now realized they were just abunch of dirty hippies, sitting around looking for a handout.Even worse, while the white man just wanted to sit around and watch footballon Thanksgiving; the Indians all wanted to play lacrosse. The Pilgrims knewlacrosse was a godless, heathen activity and they thought it looked reallygay.True, the white men liked nailing the Indian princesses. They were reallydirty, and you could generally have your choice for just a few beads or someshiny buttons. And even when you convert that to today's prices; banging achick for 50 buttons is still a pretty good deal.But the Pilgrims had plenty of farm animals to bugger and they liked todrill holes in pumpkins when they needed immediate sexual gratification.When their wives found the pumpkins with the holes drilled in them they toldthem they were 'jack-o-lanterns' and created a whole phony 'Halloween'tradition to explain them away. So, the Pilgrims decided to try and make aclean break with the natives.They hatched a plan. They would cook up all of the worst shit and feed itto the Indians. Cook up turkey, which they knew would be dry. Then stuffit with old, stale bread. Make a sauce out of cranberries which are thenastiest, sourest fruit. And they would take all of the jack-o-lanterns(yes, those jack-o-lanterns) that had been lying around in the sun for amonth and make them into pies.Needless to say it didn't go well. Everyone was pissed and the Indianssulked around afterwards. Even though they had enjoyed the pumpkin pie,they didn't even stay to try and find the afikomen."If it's so much trouble to cook dinner for us," the Indians said "Nextyear, why not just make reservations some place?"Well, the white men loved the idea of making reservations for the Indians.It took a couple hundred years for the white man to get around to making allof them, but soon they stretched across the country and they seemed to worklike a charm. Even the Indians admit dealing blackjack beats dancing to tryand make rain. Plus, they're all pretty numb from the boozing.I can't believe Indian's still take part in Thanksgiving Day parades, and infull traditional outfits no less. It always seems to me like Jews takingpart in a celebration of Hitler's birthday and dressing up in concentrationcamp outfits.Now, Americans love Thanksgiving, because now, we don't have to inviteIndians over our houses. Plus, it's another reason to stuff our rich, fat,American faces. It's not just another excuse to over eat, it's almostmandatory. If you don't eat until you're bursting on Thanksgiving, youmight as well wipe your ass with the American flag and then strangle yourmother with it while you sodomize her. And I know a lot of you arethinking, "wipe your ass with the American flag and sodomize your mother?Isn't that how they celebrate Ramadan?" All I can say to that is I'm notsure. In my house all we celebrate is something I like to call, 'Hot SexualKwanzaa'."

PS: Tshirt hell guy: if you find this and are displeased that I've reposted it, please just tell me rather than sue and I'll be happy to take it down; but I figure it's just free advertising for you, right?

The war continues...

***** Says:
on November 25th, 2005 at 4:53 pm
Are you serious? A waiter who goes out to eat on thangsgiving is selfish? Yes, all waiters should stand in solidarity and never eat out, ever. First of all no-one is forcing the waiter to work on thanksgiving. Life is about choices and if you dont like working on a holiday quit. It’s like saying if a person gets into a car crash and has to go to the hospital on xmas then he is selfish because the doctor on duty has to work on him. And who said going out to eat is putting more focus on food than family? Some people may not cook, they may not be well enough to make a dinner, or they may be just be lazy. This is America, and America is about choice. Did you ever consider that some people are not American and Thanksgiving or xmas is just another day to them? Did you feel deprived when the customer left you a tip? I bet the mexican dishwashers arent complaining, it’s just the overpriviledge american like your self. You didnt think about the water boys did you!

christhestampede (christhestampede69@yahoo.com) Says:
on November 26th, 2005 at 1:51 am
I’m going to make one more post on this topic, then I’m done. I’m not going to keep debating on this poor guy’s blog; it’s not my place (unless he gives me permission, but he probably feels like I’m attacking him, so that’s not likely). However, I want to leave one more comment because my arrogance doesn’t want to be seen as backing-down.
1) My last refuter used one of the craziest slippery slope arguments I’ve ever heard. According to him, since I said that servers should be considerate enough to not eat out on the holidays, I obviously think they should never eat out. Given that, my next “logical” step is to claim that no surgeons should ever have surgery. That makes sense, right? (And I KNOW he’s not comparing serving someone turkey to saving lives…) This isn’t about going out to eat; it’s about keeping certain holidays as important.
2) If you’re going out to eat, you’re depriving someone else of being with their family. Even if you’re lazy, not well, or unable to cook, (and I mentioned this above) then just microwave a friggin’ pizza. But those who ARE lazy, ill, or who can’t cook are HELLBENT on getting the “traditional thanksgiving dinner,” so they go out to eat. Hence, they care more about their food than about the importance of family.
3) Is the “if you don’t like it, leave” argument something you use for immigrants too? Or is your job so incredible that there’s nothing you would change about it? I wonder how many of you accusing me of whining have to work on the holidays at this point? I suspect it’s very few, and I wish I could see your reactions when they’ve lost enough of their importance that even your cushy office jobs force you to work them.
4) “Did you ever consider that some people are not American and that t-giving or xmas is just another day to them?” Oh, you’re right. I’ve forgotten about the people visiting our country so they can WORK here for a WEEK before they go back to their native land… . Are you SERIOUS?!? If they’re working here, they’re AMERICANS! (And I can understand how xmas might not be a big deal, but t-giving is an AMERICAN holiday.) The Mexican dishwashers aren’t Mexican anymore; they’re Americans! If they’re working in this country, it’s because they want to live here. And I KNOW they value their families too; that’s why they send every last dollar they make across the boarder in an effort to help move them here to be with them in the land of opportunity.
This isn’t about how much money I could make on Thanksgiving; it’s about understanding the true meaning of the holidays. I’m not griping about the normal, day-to-day customers that we encounter; I’m talking about the loss of the sanctity of holidays. I’m saying that even if I were to lose out on $50,000 dollars worth of business, I wouldn’t keep any establishment I owned open 365 days a year. Again, unless waiter emails me, says “please feel free to comment on my blog as often as you like,” I won’t talk about this again on here. However, if any of you still think I’m wrong, and you want to continue this discussion, the email I use here is my real one. Drop me a line, and let’s see what you’ve got. (And Waiter, I apologize if I’ve monopolized this too much, or abused my commenting privilidge; It wasn’t my intention to do so. I just obviously feel strongly about this and wanted to address points as they came up. My rantings aside, I DO hope that you had a happy thanksgiving; keep up the good writing.)

Some people...

I guess I'm making up for lack of previous postings today, huh? I went back to the aformentioned blog to see if my comment had stirred anything up. It had. Here's the response I got, and what I fired back. (I deleted the names to protect myself from lawsuits from these money-grubbing sorts.)


***** Says:
on November 25th, 2005 at 1:33 pm
There always has to be a few who just never give up. Complain to a restaurant and its workers in New Orleans. I am sure they would love to hear you bitch about how they should not be open.
christhestampede Says:
on November 25th, 2005 at 4:04 pm
Yeah, good argument strategy. Use an unrelated tradegy in an effort to allow emotions to overrule reason. As far as I can gather, that’s what Bush continues to do with 9/11. How ’bout this? Ask a restaurant worker in New Orleans who lost someone in that tradegy how happy they are that they couldn’t spend LAST thanksgiving with that person because they were working and now they won’t ever be able to again. I can almost guarantee you that the people who had to suffer through that mess appreciate family and time spent with loved ones more than the almighty dollar. If not, well, then shame on us all for creating such a materialistic environment.

I'm back

Okay, I know that was quick. But I encountered something that I couldn't not comment on. One of the websites I read regularly is a blog at www.waiterrant.net. I really like reading it because I can relate to the business-humor on the site, and I can relate to the more philosophical musings on the site. His most recent post, however, was a quick "Happy Thanksgiving" and a comment that he couldn't seem to avoid restaurants because he was going out to eat with his family. A few of his more mindless followers commented with a cheery happy thanksgiving, but one of them called him out on the fact that he was eating out. That person was more or less berated by everyone else who posted, and I couldn't let that slide. Here was the comment I wound up posting to the blog (feel free to go to the side to read some of the "beratings" that I'm addressing):


I'm amused by the fact that someone called it "lame" for people working on Thanksgiving (or, gasp, Christmas) to be upset about it. Yes, yes, if the restaurant is already open, why not go there? By all means, stop on by; encourage the owners to CONTINUE TO KEEP IT OPEN. That's why I have to work on T-day; that's why I have to work on X-mas. If people STOPPED going to restaurants or movies or home depot or WHEREVER on Thanksgiving, it wouldn't be profitable for those places to be open, and their employees would get the days off. Do I make good money on the holidays? Of course I do. But to some of us there's more important things, like seeing the family we don't get to see the rest of the year. I can't tell you how infuriating it is to pull together an 8-top so that the OWNER AND HIS FAMILY can enjoy dinner whilst I wait on them. I'm not "making up a gripe;" I'm speaking for everyone I work with. I agree with Ranty; for Waiter (who has undoubtedly had to work holidays in the past) to perpetuate this new tradition of eating out seems not only selfish but, if he's EVER had the thought of "man, I can't believe I'm working on christmas," hypocritical. The thanksgiving tradition revolves more around family than food. So your family is coming from out of town and you don't have the time or ability to prepare a full-course meal for them? That's fine; I understand that. Buy a couple of frozen pizzas on wednesday and cook 'em on Thursday. I can't believe we put more stock in the food tradition than the family tradition. Turkey and stuffing don't make thanksgiving, because if it did, those servers who have to work would be celebrating it as surely as you were. Time spent with family and friends is what we should truly be thankful for, and that's he holiday we deprive others of by making them work on the day. I love this website; I read it regularly and I will continue to do so; I think Waiter is very insightful and he often gives me something new to think about. But I can't believe he went out to eat on Thanksgiving, and I can't believe the amount of flack Ranty caught for calling him on it. I'm just sayin...

PS Again

And in response to all the comments about 1985, it was a great year. It just wasn't the year the girl I'm dating was born. It wasn't..... Also, I had the male, heterosexual equivalent of a crush on marty mcfly also, in that I thought he was very cool. I think he's the reason I wanted a skateboard (I think I rode it twice).

Well, there was this giant badger, see...

I've been very lazy about posting lately, but I'm only partially apologizing because I've just been lazy in general for the past week or so (I haven't practiced any tai chi for 3 days now, and unless i get my ass in gear today has a strong possibility of being the fourth.) My sleep schedule is all fucked-up, a result of late-night online conversations and a job working late that lets me not unwind for sleep until midnight at the earliest anyway. I had off yesterday for T-day (a miracle and a half, considering that we're open 365) and I went to bed at midnight. Time I finally got out of bed this morning? 10:45. Now, I grant you I tossed and turned a bit before falling asleep, but still. I hate when I sleep that late; it's not like I have so much to do, but I pussyfoot and lolligag and do other distracting things (like post to a blog) to the point that I suddenly run out of time to do the things I did have to do. So, on that note, I will cut this particular posting short, and promise to maybe sorta write more at some point in what people might possibly refer to as a "near" future.

PS

Yes, it was an old posting. Check it out:

http://wannabesage.blogspot.com/2004/11/volunteerism.html

That was a year ago, and I'm just now catching spam. Grrrr...

Obligatory posting

Okay, it's been a while since I've posted. It's not really for lack of anything to say; honestly, if I had to guess, I'd say it's because of a sudden reimmersion into the gaming world; I've spent many late nights recently playing Tetris and Chrono Trigger on the emulators on my laptop. So if I haven't been posting enough to your liking, well, that's why.

Unfortunately, this has been a long day for me, and I'm not going to post much here right now either. I will say two points: 1) I had my first official date tonight with a gal I've known for a long time and it went well; she cuddles good. The only non-great part (which is more funny than anything else) is when the show we were watching mentioned the year 1985 and she commented on how that was the year she was born. So, yeah, other than less-than-subtle and inevitably-repeatable reminder that I am, in fact, getting old, things went well and I eagerly await the follow-up date.

2) I've been catching and awful lot of spam comments on this thing lately, but the irony is that is hasn't been (I don't think) on any of my more recent posts. If I'm not mistaken (from the slew of emails I've received), they've all been directed towards my "volunteerism" post from a long time ago. (Of course, now that I've used that word again, I'll get another slew, right?) Anyway, that's all I have for now. I'll do more later. One day. Soon. Honest. Good night!

A monkey? That's fitting...

You Are A: Monkey!

Monkeys are intelligent and agile, well-adapted for jungle life as they swing happily from tree to tree. As a monkey, you are a social animal who eats a wide range of food, is quick to learn new things and loves to climb. A monkey's tiny primate features are irresistable, as is his gregarious personality!

You were almost a: Duck or a Bear Cub
You are least like a: Turtle or a Groundhog

http://www.cuteducky.com/cute_animal_quiz.html

Horoscope

Scorpio: "Your death will be so protracted and violent that investigators will let your mother down easy by telling her you were sodomized in half by a horse."

I love the Onion.

(On a side note, I can think of at least one person who would've found that particularly amusing, but I don't think she reads this anymore... oh well!)

Request fulfilled

Okay, I was asked to write this story by a coworker of mine (apparently my blog is beginning it's run for popularity; yay!), so here it is. Well, it's less a story than a rant, I suppose; big surprise, right? But at work last night, we weren't really too busy, but we were steady which is nice. (As much as I bitch about it when I don't expect it, this is our dead-ass winter season and I'll take "steady" as often as I can get it...)

In any event, I had a slew of disgruntled tables last night, but here's the opening kicker: it was their attitudes that told me as much rather than anything they said. Folks, listen to me a sec. If you're out to eat, and you aren't satisfied with your meal, then just tell your server as much when they ask (and a good server should ask at some point). Don't mope your way through your meal, lying to preserve your servers feelings and being just miserable with what you ordered. Speak up, and get something else, or get it cooked properly, or whatever.

Now last night everyone was grumping and moping and, as far as I could tell, just generally displeased with their experience. (A few verbally said as much after they were done eating, as if I could do anything for them then. (I could; I could take money of the check, but my personal feelings is that they should've spoken up sooner and allowed me to rectify the problem. Otherwise, how do I know they're not just trying to score a free meal?)) But the overwhelming number of discontented people really annoyed me last night. My restaurant is not four-stars, by any stretch of the term, but it is nice. The food is good; I eat their virtually every time I work, and I occasionally splurge on our higher-end items. The food is very good, and I ordinarily get no complaints. So either their was something in the air that night, or else Tippy the Wonder Tard (the primary reason this rant was requested) was in the kitchen making the food all night. And since we fired Tippy (we're an 'at-will' employer), I'm convinced that everyone either met in the parking lot beforehand and agreed to complain, or else they just discussed as their paths crossed between entries and exits.

"This job would be great if it weren't for the fuckin' customers..."
-Randal, from "Clerks"

I hate people...

So, I leave for work today at 5:15. I start at 6:00. (This is all PM, mind you.) It takes me roughly 25 minutes to get to work. Ergo, I have a 20 minute window. I decide to use said window to get a last meal of taco bell, because I plan to start eating much healthier come wednesday when I get my braces off. Now, I wasn't going to go inside; just drive through and eat on the way.

I pull into the drivethru lane, and there's 3 cars in front of me, plus whoever else has already pulled around to the first side window. (Author's note: actually, I think taco bell only has one window anyway...) And I'm sitting there in line thinking "Do I have time for this, or don't I?" As I do with most things in life, I decide to wait a bit and gather more information before making a decision. (I believe it was Descartes who argued that it was only man's limited knowledge of the future that prevented us from being perfect.) So I wait a minute, and the cars are going at a decent rate (wound up being about 1.5 minutes per car), and I figure even if it took me 4 minutes to get my food, that still left me with 10 minutes to spare, so I wait it out and place my order.

I drive around, and there are only two cars left in front of me. The one immediately in front is a BMW; not sure what first car was. However, the guy in front was waving his hand around angrily towards the girl in the window. She was holding his receipt in her hand. She disappears, returns with the receipt. More angry hand waving (including that index-finger-up bullshit that indicates "I'm talking and you're going to wait") and girl disappears with receipt again. I call work and tell them I've "run into something 'traffic-y' and might be a few minutes late." More money gets exchanged. More food is passed out. Another receipt arguing scenario. Finally, the guy pulls off. It's been, no lie, 12 minutes. I'm frustrated, but figure I still have time, so no biggie.

BMW pulls up to the window. I can tell from my flanking position that the total on the screen is for my order (unless the BMW ordered the exact same thing; it didn't). There a brief altercation as the woman in the BMW not-so-kindly explains that it wasn't her total. (I couldn't hear the woman's words, but I picked up tone and hand motion again; and I could hear the girl apologizing.) Soda is passed into the car and girl turns back (presumably to go get the food). Soda is in the car no more than 20 seconds, and then it's back in the woman's hand and hanging out the window. She's frantically trying to get the attention of the girl and ultimately resorts to yelling through the window (I can barely make out the "excuse me!"). Girl comes back, listens a minute, and takes the soda back inside. A few moments later, returns with a cup to the window (not sure if it's the same one or not), and proceeds to wipe it down with a napkin before she hands it out the window. I'm not 100% sure what had happened, but if I had to guess, I'd say the soda had some perspiration on it, and the BMW woman didn't want it ruining her fancy car. 8 minutes later, the woman drives off and it's my turn.

I pull up to the window and, dejectedly but professionally nice, she says "I'm really sorry about your wait." I say "Is it me, or were the two cars in front of me total douches?" She hesitates for a second, processing what a customer has just told her before smiling more genuinely and says "yeah." I reply "I kinda thought so, and I wasn't even the one who had to deal with them." I give her my money. A minute later she gives me my food. I slip her an extra five dollar bill. "Don't let yuppie shitheads get you down," I tell her. She kinda looks at the money, then at me, and manages a surprised "Thank you."

Now, you may ask why I gave a total stranger $5 for nothing, and here's your answer. After who I've become as a person (i.e. not willing to take shit from people) and the time I've spent as a server in a restaurant (begrudgingly taking shit from people), if I were in her shoes, I would have undoubtedly kirked-out on the second customer (if not the first). The fact that she stayed apologetic and calm to them, and managed to smile and be nice to me speaks volumes of her character, I think. And, again, if I were in her shoes and had just put up with all that, an understanding soul who was willing to try to make it all better would've gone a long way to actually doing just that. So hopefully I managed to balance out the good/bad ratio of her night. (Of course, the important-looking business woman behind me probably gave her an earful too, so there goes that theory...)

The moral of the story? Going to taco bell will make you late for work, no matter how much of a window you have. Also, if you have a problem with your fast food, take it up inside rather than hold up the whole fucking drive through lane!

Those little nagging doubts...

You know, we've all had a point of conversation, typically involving thoughts or feelings, that we weren't sure was a good idea to talk about. But, for one reason or another, we decide that we should, and so we start. And yet, not more than four words into the conversation, our thoughts immeditately shift to "FUCK! I knew I shouldn't've brought this up..." This more or less happens when the other person's looking at you sideways with a puzzled expression (sort of like when your dog doesn't understand what you're doing). Usually, it takes nothing more than the word "Wha...?" or "Huh?" or something on their part to make you feel completely foolish for what you've started saying and creates the need for you to justify things as you say them.

But, we aren't all always blessed enough to have someone listen to our little burble and just basically go "okay" and move on as though nothing out of the ordinary had occured. And for those of us that are, we should be thankful, because it'd be very easy for the other person to accent what idiots we are.

It's new to me!

I don't remember ever coming across a survey that was alphabetically listed, so I'm gonna roll with it...

A - Age of 1st kiss: Counting truth or dare? 13/14? First real kiss...? nineflaghtlahdteen

B- Band you are listening to right now: I'm jumping back and forth between Dresden Dolls and Snake River Conspiracy

C- Crush: Difficult to see; always in motion is the future

D- Dad’s name: James (Jim for short)

E- Easiest person to talk to: Too many too count; maybe I just talk a lot

F- Favorite ice cream(s): Something with chocolate and maybe something else. I'm not an IC connaseur.

G- Gummy worms or gummy bears? bears

H- Hometown: Baltimore, MD; currently hailing from Abingdon, MD (No stalkers!)

I- Instruments: ... I think I play the skin flute pretty damn well...

J- Junior high: Wasn't really a "junior high," but St. Margarets

K- Kids: I'm intrigued by the concept of someone that has to listen to my wisdom...

L- Longest car ride ever: You'd think it was canada, but no. Coming home from Disney in one day took fucking forever!

M- Mom’s name: Louise

N- Nicknames: I always manage to leave one out of this question: Skywalker, Earp, Huckleberry, crees-toe-furr, chetma, hitman, 'stopher, ...dammit! I always forget at least one...

O- One wish: Strength of will

P- Phobia[s]: fucking bees!

Q- Quote: Lord, everyone who knows me knows I quote movies out the ass; here's one from a video game: "You don't need a reason to help people," and one from a TV Show: "Crayons taste like purple."

R- Reason to smile: I'm learning how to use a sword

S- Song you sang last: I sing a hunnert songs a night at work! Um... hooked on a feeling? I dunno

T- Time you woke up today: Noonish

U- Unknown fact about me: Unknown to who? If you, say, even four of my close friends together, there's nothing they don't know about me. I have no skeletons in my closet. ... Some are lying on my bedroom floor, under a pile of clothes though...

V- Vegetable(s) you hate: If it's green, I'm no fan

W- Worst habit: Delusions of grandeur

X- X-rays you’ve had: teeth

Y- Your favorite person as of right now? Plead the 5th; too hard to answer

Z- Zodiac sign: Scorpio; lol, I am my evil twin!

Desire

There is suffering. Suffering is caused by desire. The cessation of desire leads to the cessation of suffering. The cessation of desire comes from following the noble eightfold path.
-The Four Noble Truths of Buddhism

"The fear of loss is a path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate... leads to suffering." -Yoda (Episode I (II?))

Leave behind all of your posessions and come follow me.
-Jesus (paraphrased)

"Love? I thought that was forbidden for a Jedi..."
"Possession is forbidden. Attachment is "forbidden." But compassion, what I would call unconditional love, is central to a jedi's beliefs. So you might say that we are encouraged to love."
-Padme & Anakin (Episode II)


These are just a few examples of various different beliefs that all decry attachment and desire. This applies not only to material things, but to people as well. I think the last quote is perfect for all of us, because it shows a warping of honorable principles in order to accomodate one's own selfish desire. Anakin is equivocating two very different concepts of love, and I think that's what most of us do. When we say we want love, what exactly do we mean by that? 99% of the time, we mean we want someone to love us. That's the love Anakin refers to as well. The love of which the jedi speak is that of compassion; that of loving others. And that's what people miss out on. We're so hellbent on finding that "right person," but it's a search to find someone to love us and make us happy. Our definition of "Mrs. (or Mr.) Right" almost never includes our ability to make them happy and to love them.

This is a particular point of interest for me right now, because I have a lot of desires swirling about in this head of mine. (You decide which head.) And I know that I shouldn't act on them; that they are attachments, desires, that will only lead to trouble and suffering. But then the weak side of my personality kicks in, and I wonder what the point of having desires is if not to act on them? But that is just weakness talking... what it truly boils down to is that I cannot use anything, people or things, to promote my own happiness. If my actions do not contribute to the happiness of others, than I should not be doing them. And with that, I suppose, my inner conflict is resolved. Not easily, I should say, and probably not permanently. But for now, I know that which I should do from that which I should not.

Things to say

An ironic title, because I don't really have much to say tonight. But I feel like I've gotten into the habit of posting regularly, and don't want to disappoint my readers (Hi mom!). So, that said, here I am.

I will say that I really, really, really need to get out of the house and on my own. It's reach a point of embarassment, I feel. That, and I get irritated when my parents stay up to watch the news in the basement rather than upstairs in their room. It's distracting to try to write anything meaningful on here when that's buzzing in the background. I also feel like they're becoming distressed about the fact that I'm less and less involved in their lives; I think that's typically a normal occurance, however, in most cases, it happens as the child moves out of the house. I haven't reached that point yet, so I think they feel as though something's wrong because I don't talk as much. Of course, when I'm talking with hot women online about sex and sexy things and other sex-type-things, they have about as much chance of getting my interest as mynoc had of chewing on the Millenium Falcon's power cables. ... yes, I'm a nerd. But I don't care. Star Wars rules!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sheriously, yo

Okay, I don't know where the hell all the sexy talk has been coming from lately. (Not on here, obviously.) Lord knows I didn't ask for it; I'm trying to stay away from those sorts of complications for right now. All I know is, I have spent the last four nights (tonight included) hot n bothered because of the conversations I was having, and someone had better blow me before the week is out! (Put your hand down, Steve...)

Adventures in Bethesda

1) Never eat at McDonalds ever again. I'm serious. This new health kick they're on? It's BS. I always knew their food was bad for you, but it wasn't until I was bored waiting for my friend to get off of work yesterday that I actually looked at the nutritional charts, did the math, and blew a gasket. (Not literally, thankfully.) In one 15-minute sitting, I ingested roughly 1600 calories, 100%+ of my daily fat allotment, 100%+ of my daily saturated fat allotment, and it didn't even touch on cholesterol. Ugh! I mean, I'm no doctor, but all that can't be particularly healthy for us. And that was only two sandwiches and a milkshake!

2) I've included a picture of the mall from hell. I shit you not, this place was crazy. I've represented it in my drawing as best as I can from memory, but I'm fairly sure that it's accurate.

You can click on the picture to enlarge it, but if you still can't read the legend, the black is street, the red thing is the mall (with only one entrance), the green things are empty parking lots or garages with no physical way into them, and the light blue is the only fuctioning parking lot. After you park, you have to walk (backwards) around the mall twice before you can even hope to find the entrance, but that's only if the god-dwarves are in a good mood.

Latecoming

I didn't get the chance to post about my camping trip. This is partially because my thoughts were otherwise occupied last night, but mostly because it wasn't the sort of experience I could really write about. Here's about all I can think of to say: 1) It was fun and great to get out of the house and into the wilderness. 2) Jackson and I spent 5 hours trying to keep our fire going with what little fresh and damp wood we had. (For those of you not camping-inclined, fresh wood doesn't burn well. Neither does damp wood. 90% of ours was both.) But it was a good time; we roasted hot dogs and marshmallows and made hot chocolate, and ultimately put out what was left of our fire by peeing on it (not simultaneously). (Another note to non-campers: peeing on hot embers is likely to leave you with a large and continuous stream of smoke in your face; almost as thought the fire is pissing on you. ... mmmm, now that's insightful...)

Anyway, it was a good trip, and tonight I'm head to bethesda-area to watch FFVII: Advent Children with an old HS buddy of mine, so that's cool. I'm Audi 4 niz-ow; I'll holla @ u laidher!

Shining ain't happening; rising doesn't look good either...

You know, I try to get up at a decent hour in the mornings. Really, I do. On nights I get to bed on time (unlike tonight), I aim for 9AM, and on those nights that I don't, I aim for 10AM. But the mornings I'm aiming for 10, I wind up finally getting out of bed a little after11, and those days I aim for 9, I usually wind up getting out of bed a little after, um, 11. And when I was a teenager, I didn't really mind that. But now I really feel like I'm wasting a large chunk of the day, and it bothers me. I don't know if I'm not getting the right vegetables or what, but my ass'll hit the snooze alarm right up until 11, regardless of when the actual alarm is set to go off.

I mean, it's not as though my days are so chock-full of things to do that I don't get them all done when I sleep in; hell, I joined a gym and a martial arts class just to give myself something to do during the days. ... Maybe that's why I don't get up earlier? Because subconsciously, I think I'll be bored? (Hell, consciously I'm fairly positive I'd be bored too...) I've thought about getting a second job, 'cause extra money doesn't hurt and it'd give me a reason to get up, but now that I have gym and tai chi, my schedule would consist of very specific hours, and I don't see anyone shy of McDonalds tolerating such a strict schedule. Maybe I'll look around anyway; lol, that'll give me something else to help pass the time in my otherwise unoccupied mornings/afternoons.

PS: As a technicality, it's now offically my "happy birthday." May the enjoyable temporal periods commence motion in a circular pattern! (i.e. 'Let the good times roll!')

Spamly Spam

I've been getting a lot of pop-ups since we got DSL. I don't know if Netzero did a better job of blocking them, or if being constantly "tethered" to the evilnet gives them more opportunity, but whatever the case, it's obnoxious. Just sayin'...

Jackson and I are going camping this weekend! I'm really excited about that, because I don't get to go hiking very often, and I can't even remember the last time I spent the night in the wilderness. It should be a great weekend of male-bonding. (He doesn't know it yet, but we're going to leave our cell-phones home.) You know, the typical stuff... smoking... drinking... maybe playing some cards... peeing on bushes... good times. It's only $25 bucks for the night, so that's reasonable, I think. $25 to upkeep the few natural lands left is, for me, a steal. But I'm excited about it. Not "who the hell am I talking to online?" excited, but excited nonetheless.

Senility

"Hi there sir. My name's Monty, this is my trainee Mitch; we'll be taking care of you. How're you today?"

"Oh... I'm slipping slowly into senility..."

"And how's that working out for you?"

"It's a mixed bag."

"The good?"

"I can walk around outside in my underwear... give little children the middle finger... but as long as I have a smile on my face while I'm doing it, people think just think I'm senile."

"And the bad?"

"Well, sometimes I give little children the middle finger and I don't realize I'm doing it until I get slapped, so I really am going senile..."

"Aw, come on; senility can't be all that bad. You get to meet knew people every day."

"Haha... I like you, Monty."

"I like you too, sir."

"I like you too, Monty."



That was a brief exerpt from Waiting, that seemed appropriate because I feel like I'm getting old and senile. I set today aside to get my emissions tested (it's the last day to do it before a fine), change my oil, renew my license, buy work pants, and... something else I can't think of at the moment (only adding credence to my point.) BUT! I forgot that my dad had to borrow my car today! So, um, yeah... I'm not doing anything off of that list today. On the upside, it looks like it's gonna be a pretty lazy day!

Surprises

So, tonight I had an old friend randomly instant message me. And by "randomly," I don't mean "out of the blue," but rather "with a new SN." She proceeded to proceeded to play with my head (not that one) and coerced me into playing little games with her (Not those kinds of games; hell, if she was trying to get off on what we were doing, I have no doubt that I managed to ruin it for her). Just quiz games, dropping tidbits of information about me to illustrate that she had more than a superficial knowledge of me and reinforcing that I knew nothing about her (it wasn't even who I started to think it was). And to say that I feared for my life would be overly dramatic and untrue, but let's say that I own two real swords, and they were both here with me in the basement. Unsheathed. (Which it was silly to have both, because the one is so heavy that it can't be anything less than a two handed sword, so I really should've only had that or the lighter one. Maybe I figured just holding two swords would be menacing to a would-be intruder? I dunno, but they were both here, dammit!)

Anyway, it wound-up being an old coworker from my bank days. (Bully for her, because I was totally clueless to her identity...) Very cool girl; had a crush on her there for a while, but then we had the friend talk. And then we had it again. I'm pretty sure we had it a third time as well, if not a fourth. But it's something I can look back upon and laugh (at the time, I was like "Yeah. Friend. Got it. Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth?") I still tease her about it now, but in all fairness, she wasn't too far off-base. After the first friend talk, I had no intentions of acting on any emotions, but they don't just die right away. So the later friend talks were at least quasi-warrented by the fact that the emotions did exist. But such is the past; today she makes the total at least two women that I had liked and became friends with. (I should add that I still see her from time to time when I go to the bank; we just don't really 'hang' anymore. By 'old friend' I meant one I'd known for a while, not neccessarily one I hadn't seen for a while.)

I told her to pop by and check out my blog. The irony about that (which I didn't have the time to explain to her through instant messenger tonight, but which she'll figure out anyway if she does pop by to read this) is that this blog started to help me cope with my feelings for her. I'm fairly positive I've since deleted those original posts (I wanted her to be able to read this without ruining the friendship that had since settled), but yeah, it started as someplace to just get out my thoughts and emotions.

Which, coincidentally, brings me to a point I've been meaning to bring up. I joined Quest this week, as those of you who read this thing are aware. And I had a half-memory of the fact that the last time I had joined a gym (which was still Quest) roughly 3 years ago, it was with the thought that if I got more in shape, my then-crush April would see me as more than a friend. It seems odd to me that within a week's time I have been made to remember the early days of two of the most powerful instances of crush-turned-friend.

I feel like... I dunno... the stars are converging? Something like that. Like a strong turning point is about to approach my life, and I'm being given these moments to remember a past that might become moot in the future. ... Maybe something like that. I don't know, but I don't buy into coincidences... Add into the mix all the questions about my future and my current position in life that my most recent crush-turning-friend has inspired, and I'm fairly certain that major changes (and not necessarily ones I would plan) are about to occur. But then, maybe I'm just crazy. ... Crazy like a FOX!!! (Or a demon koala; whichever.) In any event, I continue to overshoot my goal bedtime of 12, so I'm going to vaminos and hope that I make it down by 1.

PS: B-day coming soon! Holla! (Actually, not really; I'm not too keen on celebrating it this year; seems kinda arbitrary and commercialized to me these days... but, nevertheless, Holla!)

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